Your mouth is God's brothel.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
