High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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