i jhust puked up my retainher.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
