i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
