I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
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I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
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I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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