If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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