so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
