I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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