I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
