But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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