I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
