Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
