you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
