did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
