my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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