Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
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