I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
