Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
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You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
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Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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