You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
being pregnant is like rehab
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
