Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Ketchup is God's man juice
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
