something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
