Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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