I heard we made out
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
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He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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