The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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