Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
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