Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
