Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(443): View more from Maryland

he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it

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(913): View more from Kansas

high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?

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(661): View more from California

Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?

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27 Parents Confess Shocking Secrets Their Kids Don’t Know
Read it at the TFLN blog
(253): View more from Washington

Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.

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(318): View more from Louisiana

I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.

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(330): View more from Ohio

We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.

(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!

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