and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
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my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
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Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.