Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
