No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Hippo gnu deer
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.