If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
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It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...