from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
