How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
