take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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