I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
