failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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