found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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