He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
