my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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