tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
