my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
