I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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