my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
he shaved USA in his pubs
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
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