well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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