Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
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