she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
