so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
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Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
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You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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