you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
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Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
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ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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