I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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