Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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