dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
