Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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