I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
