I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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