so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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