I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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