where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
