Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
