So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
