Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
