Do you still have your period?
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Randomize
