You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
