I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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