He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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