I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
pray to the hookup gods
I made him laugh his dick is mine
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
