Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
