Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
