I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
