I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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