i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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