he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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