Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
