Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.