the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
