So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.