Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
