i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
it glows. i had to have it.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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