he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
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I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
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I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
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