Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
