I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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